[Verse 1]
You leave one bowl soaking like it’s training for a swim,
That spoon’s been in the sink so long, it’s paying half the rent.
You say, “I’ll get to those tonight”—we’ve heard that line before,
The plates have formed a union and they’ve elected one fork.
There’s a mug with mystery rings, a pan with ancient rice,
Your idea of “doing dishes” is moving them to the right.
You stack them like a skyline, call the pile modern art,
But the only thing you’re washing is your hands when guests arrive.

[Chorus]
Hey, dish captain, where’s your crew?
The sink’s got a whole parade of plates to do.
You bring the charm, you bring the jokes,
But those crusty bowls are telling all your secrets, bro.
Hey, dish captain, take a stand—
The sponge is right there, it’s not a complicated plan.
We roast you with love, but here’s the truth:
The cleanest thing you’ve touched is the excuse you use.

[Verse 2]
You treat that frying pan like it’s a family heirloom,
It’s been “soaking” since Tuesday; now it’s got its own room.
You blame the tiny sponge, say it doesn’t have the strength,
That sponge has seen your workload and it’s asking for a raise.
You rinse one little corner, then you call the job complete,
Like a chef who serves one clean fork and declares the kitchen elite.
Roommate, you’re a legend, your avoidance is elite—
Even soap sees you coming and retreats beneath the sink.

[Chorus]
Hey, dish captain, where’s your crew?
The sink’s got a whole parade of plates to do.
You bring the charm, you bring the jokes,
But those crusty bowls are telling all your secrets, bro.
Hey, dish captain, take a stand—
The sponge is right there, it’s not a complicated plan.
We roast you with love, but here’s the truth:
The cleanest thing you’ve touched is the excuse you use.

[Outro]
So grab that sponge, make history tonight,
One rinse, two scrubs—we believe you might.
The sink’s not a museum, the plates aren’t décor;
Now wash your dish, roommate—and we’ll say no more.